Julian's Fanmail
by exSurreal
Summary: Julian gets fanmail, and he gets a little nasty. My attempt at being funny.


Title: Julian's Fanmail.  
Author: Satan's Sidekick  
Email: satans_sidekick13@hotmail.com  
Rating: 15  
Based On: FG  
Disclaimers: All events and characters belong to  
L.J.Smith. I am in no way making profit for this, nor do I claim to own  
the characters, etc, etc. Don't mean to offend no one either.  
Summary: Julian gets fanmail, and he gets a little nasty. All the names  
of the fans are strictly at random.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
1  
Dear Jules,  
  
You are sooo cool! I mean, like, what the hell was Jenny thinking   
anyway? I'd love to have my own shadowman *hint hint*, and I would   
dump my boyfriend in a hot second. And Tom, what is with him? I am   
totally and absolutely behind you with that. I like, balled my eyes out  
in that last chapter when you died. If there was a way to get you back,  
I'd do it alright!  
  
Your biggest fan,  
Jules4eva  
  
~  
  
Dear Jules4eva,  
  
The reason that I liked Jenny was because she wasn't a manipulative  
bitch like you are, if you're actually willing to dump your current   
boyfriend for me. And I am obviously no longer dead if I am writing to  
you at this moment and you are expecting me to write back.  
  
Julian.  
  
PS. I don't believe that your mother named you Jules4eva, and nor do I  
believe that my name is 'Jules'.   
  
~**~  
2  
Dear Julian,  
  
When are you and Damon going to get together?   
It's so obvious that both of you are either gay or bi, that I think you  
two should just admit it, and get it over and done with.  
  
Annonymous  
  
~  
  
Annonymous-  
  
Is it so obvious that I like men? In that case, thank you for informing  
me because I certainly didn't know this. And Damon? Who the hell is  
Damon? Are you sure that you've got the right L.J.Smith book here? And  
what exactly are Damon and I supposed to get over and done with?  
  
Julian  
  
~**~  
3  
Dear Julian,  
  
I was wondering why you like Jenny, anyway?   
  
Lots of love,  
Lisa  
  
~  
  
Dear Lisa,  
  
I don't like Jenny, I love her.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
4  
Dear Julian,  
  
I was wondering what you thought about fanfiction about you. Do you   
think it generally portrays the real you, or are most of the rubbish?  
  
From Jessica  
  
~  
  
Dear Jessica,  
  
A lot of fanfiction is complete bullshit, especially when people try to  
write funny fiction about me. This annoys me because shadowmen are not  
supposed to be funny, and I certainly wasn't very funny in the books  
now was I? I am selfish, possessive, envious, and downright mean when  
you come to it. Besides, I enjoy watching people being tortured by   
their nightmares. Jenny is the only person I've actually liked, but I'm  
not about to fall straight into her arms after she resurrects me, am I?  
Underneath it all, I'm still a manipulative guy.  
  
Julian.  
  
PS. The worst fanfiction would have to be when authors write me in   
first person, as if they'd know what I was thinking. Roleplayers   
playing my character are just as bad.  
  
~**~  
5  
Dear Julian,  
  
If you were in a fire, what three items would you take out of your   
house?  
  
Love,  
Anna  
  
~  
  
Dear Anna,  
  
I would take nothing out, because I wouldn't be inside a house with a  
fire in the first place. I don't even own a house. The mail address is  
a post office box, where I have to pick up the piles of letters   
everyday. Most of the letters contain pointless questions and   
exclaimations that just waste more of my time. Fortunetely, I have time  
to waste.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
6  
Dear Julian,  
  
It's not possible how you can be so fantastically beautiful and have   
such a great 'water-over-rock', elemental voice.   
  
Yours sceptically,  
Sam  
  
~  
  
Dear Sam,  
  
I don't understand how you can make a judgement like that when you  
haven't seen me or heard my voice.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
7  
Dear Julian,  
  
I was wondering how much you can do with your powers?  
  
Brad.  
  
~  
  
Brad-  
  
I can do a bloody lot with my powers.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
8  
Dear Julian,  
  
I was wondering, what your favourite colour was?  
  
~  
  
Dear Person-With-No-Apparent-Name,  
  
My favourite colour, of course, is blue.  
  
JUlian.  
  
~**~  
9  
Dear Julian,  
  
I love you! My name is Jenny Thornton and I see you in my dreams, and I  
see you everywhere! I don't want Tom anymore, I want you!  
  
Come and take me!  
  
~  
  
Dear Jenny,  
  
As you have a split personality - you are not Jenny Thornton - attention  
seeking deficit, and a severe case of schitzophrenia - even I cannot  
be everywhere at once - I suggest you seek a doctor for professional   
help. I have no desire to take you anywhere.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
10  
I hate you!  
  
You're the meanest son of bitch in the whole book making Jenny and Tom  
break up like that!   
  
~  
  
Why thankyou.  
  
Julian.  
  
~**~  
11  
Dear Julian,  
  
You're a book character. How can it be possible that you're taking  
fanmail and replying? That's pathetic.  
  
Alex.  
  
~  
  
Dear Alex,  
  
Doesn't it just make you more pathetic for writing to a book character  
and expecting him to reply?  
  
JUlian.  
  
~**~  
12  
Dear Julian,  
  
I tried the runes thing, and I still couldn't get into the Shadow World.  
Have I done something wrong? How can I get in? I want to meet a Shadow  
man.  
  
Denise  
  
~  
  
Dear Denise,  
  
Yes, you are doing something wrong. Trying to get into the Shadow World  
in the first place. Obviously you can't get in because no one wants  
you there. If you really want to meet a Shadowman, we can arrange a  
game and I'll bring your worst nightmares to life.  
  
Julian. 


End file.
